I don’t ask for much from those around me. I try to be a positive, (albeit sometimes sarcastic), person. I am not demanding, or fickle.

I love openly. I not only wear my heart on my sleeve, I apparently let it bump into every living thing, as well as dangle listlessly in front of carnivores.

I forgive. I forget. (For some things, however, forgetting is not possible or necessary.) 

My life should be sunshine and rainbows with how often I smile and offer my friendship and love to those in need.

But it’s not. 

This week has already taken me to some dark and lonely places. This week has already battered and bruised me. It has knocked me flat on my hind-end, and, as if that were not enough, has kicked me repeatedly while I am too weak to get up.

It’s no secret that I have severe anxiety. I talk about it. I tweet about it. I share it with many people I interact with. I am open about it, because many do not understand it. 

In the midst of an anxiety attack, most people look at you like you belong in the loony bin. They often interpret that collapsed and panicked look on your face as something dramatic, and weak. They ofttimes inadvertently kick you while you’re down by saying, “stop worrying”, or, “calm down”. 

How could they possibly know the difficulty someone with an anxiety disorder has in “calming down”? How could they know that trapped feeling, unless they’ve been there themselves? How could they understand that feeling that everything is literally crushing you inside? 

They can’t, and often, do not.

There are those that do get it though. And they are the ones that have the amazing ability to hold your hand through the darkness, and help you find that light again. They are true friends.

I don’t ask for much from those around me. I just need the ones who care about me to understand; just understand that I am still full of love and happiness, even when the anxiety is doing everything to stuff that goodness down and keep it where it can’t escape. 

Just understand that I do have a lot to offer the world.

It’s taken a very long time to get to the point where I can admit this. It’s taken a long time to understand it myself. Especially when things go bad, as they did this week.

But, the sun still shines on a rainy day.

Now I just need others to understand these things.

Just understand. That’s all.